Our final take on all the Emmys action!

Melissa and I continue our coverage of New York’s celebrities’ fashions with the best and worst of the red carpet!

Melissa and I hit the streets of New York in search of the few celebrities who stayed in the city this weekend. You will be amazed at the stars we were able to find! Some of the world’s biggest A-Listers, and my personal heroin, Amy Winehouse.

Earlier in the day, Melissa & I hit the streets of New York to see what the celebrities of New York were wearing. And it’s amazing who our cameras caught - see for yourselves!

One of the other things you can look forward to during Sunday’s Emmy Extravaganza here at EmmysWithJoan is live video updates from my very own home, where Melissa and I will be saying all the things about Hollywood without the pesky “censoring” or “good taste” that the other networks imposed on us. This is the down and dirty Emmys you’ve been waiting for your whole life — and if you’re as old as me, let’s hope you make it til Sunday.

As I was saying, these videos and podcasts, much like Senator Larry Craig in an airport bathroom, will be coming at you hard and fast all day on Sunday. We’ll have fashion wrap-ups, commentary on the winners and their speeches (it amazes us that these actors can even read and write, much less actually believe in a God), and tons of other material that you won’t want to miss. Who knows? One of my nips might even slip… out of the bottom of my pants.

Here’s a sneak preview of the Sunday fun featuring some strange man laying next to me in bed… and he didn’t even leave me my hundred on the nightstand. Kids these days — who needs em!

It’s been a very hectic day here over at the Rivers house, dusting and cooking and cleaning and mopping all in anticipation for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. My housekeepers have barely gotten a break all day! God bless em. I, in the meantime, have been lazily sipping away at my mocha frappe, busy planning for Sunday’s Emmy Extravaganza, laying out various gowns on my bed, and picking which ones say “Emmy” and which ones say “Open Casket Funeral”.

I’d like to present a very special feature on the Emmys with Joan site: the VH1 Emmy Markets, the place where you can bet your fake, worthless money on predicting who the big winners will be on Sunday night. I personally have a fake, worthless accountant who handles this kind of thing for me.

Here’s a little reminder we’ve put together of why my name, Joan Rivers, is synonymous with red carpets, awards shows, and all that other Hollywood bullsh*t. Kevin Costner still won’t return my IMs, that cheap bastard.

Don’t forget to spend this coming Sunday, from 5 o’clock on, with me, Joan Rivers, and my lovely daughter Melissa, only at EmmysWithJoan.com. You’d be a fool to be anywhere else.

Hello, my darlings! Joan Rivers here, blogging for the first time in my short adult life.

I know what you’re thinking. “Why is Joan Rivers blogging?” Good question. My doctor told me blogging was what happened after eating too many bananas. But blogging is so much more — it’s sitting alone in a dark room, eating raw cookie dough out of the package while my dogs lick my bare feet, and wondering where my life has gone. Melissa, my daughter, love her to death, but the bitch never calls unless I threaten to update my will.

The next logical question is, “What should I blog about?” Well, I believe that old adage that you should write what you know. And what I know is that in less than a week, hundreds of starving celebrities will be dragging their skeletal remains down the red carpet for the 59th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards. I’ve been there for at least 57 of those 59 years, and frankly, the thought of standing out there in the sun screaming, “Who are you wearing? Who are you wearing?” would drench me with sweat… if only the Botox would allow it.

So here I am! In the comfort of my own home. All week leading up to the Emmys, I’ll be blogging my thoughts on the upcoming ceremony, and on the big night, my lovely daughter Melissa and I will be online, chatting with you and uploading thousands of photos from the red carpet only seconds after they’re snapped. And since this is the internet, and since most celebrities can barely read much less use a computer, I can finally get to say all the dirty and disgusting thoughts that those old-fashioned TV networks never let me get away with. As the evening wears on, Melissa and I will also be appearing in something called “Podcasts,” which I’m praying is some type of body-transplant surgery.

So join me, Joan Rivers, next Sunday evening for all of my Emmy coverage at EmmyswithJoan.com, and all this week for my exclusive blogging blog things. I may be staying at home, but I’m not staying quiet!

And now, an exclusive sneak peak at some of the fun to come Sunday night!