Ladies and gentlemen, meet Hollywood’s hottest hairdresser: A rabid raccoon.

Earlier in the day, Melissa & I hit the streets of New York to see what the celebrities of New York were wearing. And it’s amazing who our cameras caught - see for yourselves!

More shots of the fashion on the red carpet. And it looks like Ellen Pompeo and Vanessa Williams‘ dress have the same hairstylist.

Take a few seconds to scroll through these handful of red carpet arrivals, and then let me know which dress you’ve chosen for your bridesmaids to wear. And while you’re doing that, you’ll excuse me while I take a quick Shatner.

Isaiah Washington is not there… a sedative dart hit him on his way in. They kicked the show off with an animated musical number. My favorite part was when they cut away to T.R. Knight after the Isaiah Washington joke… he looked terrified.

For the first time the Emmys are being done in the round, mainly to accommodate America Ferrera’s ass.

Ryan Seacrest is hosting the Emmys, the E! Red Carpet, American Idol, a Radio Show, and yet, he still makes times for monthly visits to the Minneapolis airport’s mens room. Speaking of which, do you know why Senator Larry Craig originally moved to Iowa? Boise!

Now you might have heard that the on-air hosts for 2 hours have to discretely relieve themselves off camera in bottles. What you didn’t know is, after the show all those bottles are collected and sold to Corey Feldman.

After seeing the opening, Ryan Seacrest’s monologue took 14 writers… 3 hung themselves, 2 set themselves on fire, 1 jumped from the fourth floor window, 3 choked each other, and 4 left the business –- not voluntarily.

They’re claiming Emmys are the greenest show ever, and that Ryan Seacrest is the greenest host ever.

Melissa: And for everybody who made fun of us saying “Who are you wearing?”, Ryan just opened the show with it.

Joan: Ray Romano, very good doing his stand-up act. It’s almost the same set that I saw at Caroline’s a few months ago… but he managed to add a few more jokes and about 20 more minutes.

The duet between Christina Aguilera and Tony Bennett was wonderful… if you wanted to slow the pace of the show down.

Alec Baldwin wore a white dinner jacket, post-Labor day! Wrong, wrong, wrong…. but I understand the jacket, the guy loves dinner! He told Melissa he couldn’t wear his black one, as Kim had cut it into little pieces and burnt it.

Jamie Pressly was so emotional when she won. It’s just an Emmy for Chrissakes! She acted like the Sunnis and Shiites had stopped fighting.

My favorite category, Best Supporting Actor in a Mini-Series, no one in America thought Thomas Hayden Church in Broken Road. When did that air? His mother must be a member of the academy.

Biggest disappointment since my wedding night? Michael Imperioli not winning. The reason? His wife isn’t big enough. Looks like Terry O’Quinn already has a giant golden statue. Here’s one thing that will never be Lost… Terry O’Quinn’s wife!

Melissa: We learned more about Terry O’Quinn in the last 30 seconds than on how many seasons of Lost? Pink shirt, sparkly tie, and his wife.

Continue Reading Joan’s Liveblog From the Red Carpet, 7:40-8:00

If digital cameras would have existed in the 1920’s, these are the pictures we would have been treated to. And I should know!

Joan: No one say anything bad about Helen Mirren! I don’t want to hear about how her hair looks bad, and how her dress is ugly, or that her shoes don’t match… don’t say a word about it.

Joan: Ellen Pompeo looks like a pterodactyl landed on her head. It looks like Conchatta Ferrell sat on her.

Joan: And Charlie Sheen’s girlfriend is carrying a huge purse! Probably for his drugs.

Melissa: Teri Hatcher looks great.

Joan: There have been such bad hairdos tonight! From the neck up, this show is already a disaster.

Melissa: Sandra Oh, the dress looks amazing.

Joan: She looked great until she showed us her S&M shoes.

Joan: Rumor has it, Rachel Griffiths reeks… Allegedly. Rachel does not use deodorant, and the prime minister of Australia has asked her to reconsider. She smells like such a dingo, people are afraid she ateMadeleine McCann.

Continue Reading Joan’s Liveblog From the Red Carpet, 7:20-7:40

More of the same: Boring, boring, boring. And look! Ellen and Portia are matching.

7:21
Melissa: Nobody say anything bad about Hugh Laurie.

Joan: Just think, if you screw him, you not only get him, you get handicap parking.

7:23
Melissa: Did Jeremy Piven bring his mother again this year?

Joan: I love that he brings his mother, but I do thinks it’s weird he puts his hand on her ass.

Joan: Lorainne Bracco showed up, and she looks like she finished off
all the food at the diner.

Melissa: Seal and Heidi Klum - her dressed looked great, but the Eva
Peron hairdo didn’t work.

Joan: Attention everybody in the Southern states - this is my favorite couple of the evening.

Melissa: She’s Weimar Republic chic.

7:32
Melissa: Heidi and Seal just kissed.

Joan: I can hear throwing up all the way from Louisiana.

Melissa: E! just put a Victoria’s Secret bra on a man.

Joan: Attention People Who Think They’re Funny Department, ha ha ha.

Melissa: Rebecca Romijn, I have those shoes, too, but they’re from this year.

Joan: Al Gore tonight perhaps should change his tune to Saving the Whales, starting with Christina Aguilera’s breasts. Her future child will never go hungry. Look at those two big mamas! They had to add 20 minutes to the 18 hour bra.

Joan: Mariska Hargitay, who I adore! What is with this dress? She’s wearing Cop Couture.

Melissa: Here’s Ellen Pompeo! Dress and jewelry amazing, hair a disaster.

Joan: It’s a waste of mousse.

Continue Reading Joan’s Liveblog From the Red Carpet, 7:05-7:20

A small blast from the past slideshow, featuring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Frasier Crane, and Doogie Howser.