Joan Liveblogs the Emmys, Part 5: Sally Field Gets Stooping Ovation
We’re very happy to see Kanye West participating in the yet another awards show… we can’t wait to see the backstage video of him throwing a tantrum about not winning. Sure, he wasn’t nominated, but he swears he’s never coming back to the Emmy’s again!
Jesus… You know it’s time to change the channel when one awards show is spoofing another.
For those of you who are as bored as I am with this shit, Gunfight at the OK Corral is on Turner Classic Movies. And it’s Gem Week on QVC! Not everybody likes Kanye West, but everybody likes lapis. And 31-7 Patriots.
You know, I was thinking about it: Phil Martin won Best Director. He’s British. Helen Mirren. British. Hugh Laurie. British. Bionic Woman. British. Rachel Griffiths. Australian. President Bush, for Chrissakes, close the borders!
Finally, Steve Carrell breathes some life into the Emmys!
Sally Field wins! All over America, women with osteoperosis are giving her a stooping ovation! You can bet that Edie Falco is regretting guzzling all that milk! They like me, they really like me!
Sally Field said that If Mothers ruled the world, there would be no Goddamned war. Tell that to Eleanor Roosevelt, that old dyke, and Mary Todd Lincoln, that crazy old dyke! And on the other hand, we don’t know what she said, Fox cut her off. Maybe she said “If Mothers ruled the world, they’d send their kids to more whorehouses!”
Apparently, she’s not just satisfied with the Boniva endorsement… now she’s angling for dementia medication. After tonight’s behavior, I’m realizing she wasn’t acting in Sybil. It makes you wonder which part she played on Smoky and the Bandit. In fact, please answer this two-part question –
What do you guys think Sally Field said? And what medication do you think she forgot to take today?
Big Daddy said,
September 16, 2007 @ 10:59 pm
Sally said “Nobody will eat me even though I’m as dry and flakey as pie crust”. In fact I’m so arrid down there I could dry jerky. Banging her would be like stepping on an old mushroom poof a big cloud of smoke would appear. She sends smoke signals while having sex. She is a screamer too. Not only because she’s multiorgasmic but her pelvis fractures.
Dave McCormick said,
September 16, 2007 @ 11:03 pm
Joan. you should be a part of this show to bring it to life!
Dave in Toronto
butchstud said,
September 16, 2007 @ 11:11 pm
joan
im so glad they finally pulled that frigin ad of her examining them goddamn tomatoes
and the other frigin ad of her tryin on skirts for crying out loud just pop a handful of whatever pills are closer and do us all a favor.
Lisa said,
September 16, 2007 @ 11:15 pm
This was the worst award show I have ever seen! Sally Field, what a beast…she could have played the lead in Shakes the Clown. Pathetic.
Wes said,
September 16, 2007 @ 11:27 pm
Shit! I want to know what she said. Fox assholes
JL said,
September 16, 2007 @ 11:30 pm
maybe sally screamed “shit” like katherine heigl when they cut away from her (after the fact) for a moment.
mcme said,
September 16, 2007 @ 11:39 pm
we all scream shit when she wins anything!
Amy said,
September 17, 2007 @ 12:05 am
FINALLY! Something to make us forget, “You like me….you really really……” yeah, whatever!
She’s waited a long time to move past that one………………..good job.
Dr Chris roman said,
September 17, 2007 @ 1:35 am
Love Ya Joan, you are the reason why I watched the award shows. Now as for Sally Field she was probably on Vicodin. Lord knows we needed to be on it for the pain in the ass speech she inflicted on us…
Kathy said,
September 17, 2007 @ 2:45 am
You to bitches rock!!!!!!!
StarC said,
September 17, 2007 @ 5:17 am
I’m so tired of the Brits taking over the award shows. I like Helen Mirra, but give us a break…
Lulu said,
September 17, 2007 @ 8:59 am
Keeping it real as alway, good to have you back…I missed you.
Mary said,
September 17, 2007 @ 9:05 am
Just heard you on Howard. No one can compare to you and Melissa on the red carpet. You are missed. And Ryan Seacrest as the host? You GOT to be kidding me.
lesley said,
September 17, 2007 @ 12:03 pm
No question about it - I just heard you on Howard. You are TRULY the best female comic in the world with Lisa Lampanelli a close second..
Doda said,
September 17, 2007 @ 12:39 pm
I love the format, the way you and Melissa have done it on the net, I just have one question?? What in the world was Sally Field on? I take boniva, and it don’t affect me that way. Lat nights show was boring, all the dress were the same, just different color. Was it a conspiracy, to through you two ladies of, so if you knocked on dress you had to knock them all? Well keep up the good job and give them hell, somebody needs to.
Janice McGuire said,
September 17, 2007 @ 3:34 pm
Wasn’t Sally Fields in the movie Not without My Daughter? She should know what we are fighting in this war.She may soon need a burka, but I don’t want to wear one. Besides that who cares what an old bat with osteoporosis thinks about world events anyway.
Diane B said,
September 17, 2007 @ 10:53 pm
Miss you and Melissa on the awards show. I am going to tell all of my friends about the blog.
Thanks. Award show is not the same without you two. I have a feeling that one day Carrie Underwood and some other haters will be begging for someone to ask her about her clothing.
mike said,
September 20, 2007 @ 9:33 am
I still love you Melissa…
you theee sexiest mouth…
julie smith said,
September 26, 2007 @ 3:18 am
Hi Joan…just wondering what the name of the designer of Sally Fields dress at the Emmy’s was. THANKS!
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