Joan Liveblogs the Emmys, Part 3: The Jersey Boys Are Why The Terrorists Hate Us
9:13
Melissa: Between the Best Drama Director, and Best Drama Writing, this is the slowest ten minutes of television ever.
Joan: This is why I’ve asked all of my terminally ill friends to watch it. It will make their lives feel three times as long.
Melissa: David Chase won - eh, I had a feeling.
Joan: Why do I think the favorite director segment was not the all-time favorite of cab drivers, farmers, and blue collar workers…?
Melissa: Marcia Cross looks great!
Joan: And she brought her twins.
Joan: Oh great… Dick Askin is back. I like his turtleneck!
Melissa: Look, more television honoring people who have done television. Imagine. Here’s an idea: While Dick Askin’s on, please turn to each other and tell a funny joke. Start with “A rabbi, a priest and a buddhist monk are in a lifeboat…”
Melissa: Kyra Segdwick, Glenn Close, and Mary Louise Parker are now honoring women.
Joan:They look like Cougar’s Angels.
Joan: Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee Casino Resort wins an Emmy! Good for them.
Joan: Question: Why are The Jersey Boys on an Emmy Show? Answer: because Frankie Valli once owned a television.
Melissa: Ooo, Jersey Boys won a Tony and did a tribute to the Sopranos…. TONY Soprano. Coincidence?
Joan: This should be Christopher’s song to Adrianna – “You’re Just Too Good Not To Shoot”. Or strangle.
Melissa: This makes you long for the days of Rob Lowe in Snow White.
Joan: Did Fox invest in Jersey Boys? Or did they think this was the Tony Awards? My God…. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why the terrorists hate us. Who can blame em?
Joan: Tony and Carmela came out of a trap door – they’re being kept in hiding!!
Melissa: Only goose bump moment so far: Cast of The Sopranos ensemble taking a bow.
Joan: Of course The Sopranos got a standing ovation! Everyone is thrilled that they don’t have to compete with them anymore.
Joan: Helen Mirren and Queen Latifah were in competition. It’s like Olivier competing with Wayne Brady. And Helen Mirren wins!
Melissa: Look, she brought her purse up — she clearly saw the cast of The Sopranos up there. Smart move.
Joan: And according to nipples, she’s very excited!
Continue Reading Joan Liveblogs the Emmys, Part 2: The Show Must Go On And On And On
Big Daddy said,
September 16, 2007 @ 10:18 pm
Ryan Seacrest will never have to wipe his ass again. They are literally licking the dingleberrys off of it on E. We may be seeing the second coming of Christ. Yawn….. I’m still waiting for your nip slip but we haven’t seen your feet all night how are we going to see the nip slip?
Small Mommy said,
September 16, 2007 @ 10:28 pm
they need comedian type of host to host the show.. well.. all done. the emmy people made a bad choice
Bari said,
September 16, 2007 @ 10:32 pm
Sweet Jesus, I LOATHE Ryan Seacrest–especially in period drag!
Bellabump said,
September 16, 2007 @ 10:38 pm
This Emmy blogging is better than the Emmys themselves. Ryan Seacrest needs to be replaced! With Joan!
alex dean said,
September 20, 2007 @ 12:19 am
I’m sorry, Mary Louise Parker looks like a coug? Mrs Rivers, anything you wear makes you look like a transvestite on coke with a bad hang over.
time to hang up the feather boa, joan. you’re not 72 any more, the times have changed. they dont want you anymore, can’t you take a hint?
stop the crazed insults triggered by insane jealousy for beauty you never had, pack up, and move somewhere where you can tan till your leather and drink like britney on a bad day. you just look desperate, and it’s sad.
jaelynne said,
September 20, 2007 @ 12:45 am
WHAT? omg, joan, do NOT listen to that ASSHOLE!!!
joan, you’re famous for a reason, a DAMN good reason, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. we all love you, ignore that prick, he has NO idea what he’s talking about. he;s just jealous that he doesn’t have to FAME and HOTNESS we all know joan has. you look hot baby, keep working it.
and baby? blogging suits you! start a video blog, it’d be FABULOUS!
keep on truckin’ baby! We all love you, you’re a source of inspiration!
Love ya long time!!!
J’lynne.