It’s been a very hectic day here over at the Rivers house, dusting and cooking and cleaning and mopping all in anticipation for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. My housekeepers have barely gotten a break all day! God bless em. I, in the meantime, have been lazily sipping away at my mocha frappe, busy planning for Sunday’s Emmy Extravaganza, laying out various gowns on my bed, and picking which ones say “Emmy” and which ones say “Open Casket Funeral”.

I’d like to present a very special feature on the Emmys with Joan site: the VH1 Emmy Markets, the place where you can bet your fake, worthless money on predicting who the big winners will be on Sunday night. I personally have a fake, worthless accountant who handles this kind of thing for me.

Here’s a little reminder we’ve put together of why my name, Joan Rivers, is synonymous with red carpets, awards shows, and all that other Hollywood bullsh*t. Kevin Costner still won’t return my IMs, that cheap bastard.

Don’t forget to spend this coming Sunday, from 5 o’clock on, with me, Joan Rivers, and my lovely daughter Melissa, only at EmmysWithJoan.com. You’d be a fool to be anywhere else.